Ever???

Ever just sad & there's a million reasons why. Yet you can't focus on just one. Some little silly thing happens & triggers a marathon of emotions. You can't help but wonder  if you confront the past if it makes the future better? It doesn't always.  Been hurt so bad & bury it so deep that even years & decades later when you say it's ok- you don't even know if that's true? Even if you believe it is? Try to start fresh & not let the present be jaded by the past? Easier said then done. 

Ever hate yourself because it all must simply be your fault since it's constantly history repeating itself? Wonder why things happen & when things will all stop turning out the same, even when you head in a different direction? Or when the simplest mistakes or bad judgments hurt so much? Even if you tell yourself they shouldn't? Can't change your true colors I guess. 

Ever feel completely alone even when your surrounded by people who love you? Yet feel no one understands? Or the one person you want to talk to you just can't? For whatever the reason may be.

What about feeling like you have so much to say but no one ever gets it! Or sees things how you see them from your point of view? An then you start to question yourself because your the constant in every single situation? So it's very possible you are the problem. Are you? Or aren't you? Some days you feel you are some days you know differently. 

I constantly feel all these things... Ok not constantly but I am a very very emotional person. In case you couldn't tell. I take a lot of things that most people wouldn't think twice about to heart. I don't always handle the situations very well either.

 I've tried many times to change that about myself to make my softness a little bit harder. My weakness a bit stronger.  It doesn't work. Now I've started to speak my feelings when something happens & I'm not sure thats the right answer either. I hate upsetting or disappointing people & fighting just breaks my heart.  I write a lot... It doesn't always make sense to others but to me it does. 

A lot of people can't understand why it's easier for me to write about what's bothering me instead of talking about it. If you know me at all you know I'm very emotional. It doesn't take much for me to be in tears- it's not the best reaction. Some see it as a weakness or compare me to a child. But it's me & I can't change it Trust me I've tried.
If this made no sense to you, sorry to have wasted your time reading it- just needed to express myself. Until next time...*Live*Laugh*Love*Learn*

Comments

[Dawn Parelli]

I Totally understand my friend i love you and I love reading what you write. We can only go forward with our experience whether we use it to learn from is all up to us. Love ya 