I’m helping create more birthdays is what my Relay for life email said once I registered Tony's Angels. It’s true I guess, although I never looked at it that way until I read the email. I just signed up for my 7th Relay for Life event with the American Cancer Society.
My first one took place June of 2006. The year my dad was diagnosed with cancer & passed away from cancer. When my job first decided to sign up to be a team I was all in. Dad was going to walk as a survivor. It was January when he was diagnosed. I believe March when he said sure “Dor, I’ll definitely walk with you. I can do it.” Although he passed away April 23, 2006 just 4 months after being diagnosed he is still with me during every step I take.
Every relay I put my heart & soul into, all 3 ½ marathons I have done. Pops is with me every step of the way. Jan 2006 I was driving with my friends in my dad’s explorer. I loved that truck. It was snowing & I was driving down Bloomfield ave when my cell phone rang & it said Grandma. At that point in time my grandma & I didn’t talk that often, she certainly didn’t call to just chit chat. My heart dropped I looked at my best friend in the passenger seat & pulled over. I instantly knew something was wrong. Grandma said Dad was in the hospital & they think its cancer. At this point there was just the bump on his back. The bump was the size of a tennis ball & frankly instead of going to the hospital all he wanted to do was have a beer first. That’s dad.
So I called my older brother & told him what was going on. Asked him to meet me at the hospital. At first we didn’t know what to think. Dad was good at exaggerating things. Needless to say he wasn’t exaggerating. After numerous test & lots of scans they determined he had 5 tumors through out his body. They said the one on his back was benign so they removed it. At the time we knew nothing about these things. Now I wish they never cut him open. Maybe that is why in 4 months he was taking away. The cancer took over my dad. He became some one that was hard to recognize. As you sit & watch all of these things take place, you simply feel helpless. How is it that he has to suffer through all this & I can’t do a thing to take his pain away or make it easier for him?
Four months he spent in & out of the hospital. Mostly in the hospital. My family & I spent a lot of time there. To the point where I now to this day cant drive in a parking garage without working myself up. Since it was a daily routine for me. From the day he got sick till the day he passed. I forced my brother to tell my dad is was ok to die… I think he still hates me for making him do that. That day was horrible for all of us. So many of us stood there holding his hands & watching as he took his last breath. I didn’t want to tell my dad it was ok to die either, but it wasn’t about me anymore. He needed to know it was ok to leave us that we’d be ok.
Sometimes I don’t exactly feel like I am ok. Some days I sit & cry wondering why. Other days I throw my all into fundraising & raising awareness of cancer. Because yes, almost everyone knows that cancer exists. Yet if your one of the lucky ones that has never been affected by this disease and never watched someone suffer from it. You can never truly understand why I will NEVER give up until they find a cure.
Don’t get me wrong I am not naïve about the fact that there are a lot of other sicknesses out there. That also need to find cures for. I myself have Lupus & fibromyalgia. But for me… this is where my heart is. This is the cause that I have dedicated myself to. Almost everyone has been touched by cancer in one way or another. Not everyone is affected the same way. I still smoked for 3 years after my dad passed its how I handled it. Now I’m cigarette free for the last 3 years. If you or someone you know is interested in getting involved check out my website for the relay. Here’s my personal fundraising web page http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11National?px=9738462&pg=personal&fr_id=41510 . Check it out if you’d like. In the mean time I will continue to spread the word about helping to create more birthdays. And I will continue to write about whatever strikes my fancy on the particular day I chose to write. Always remember no matter how hard life gets “smile through the tears”-djv Until next time…*Live*Laugh*Love*Learn*
God bless you my friend...this was heartbreaking and beautiful, you never speak or write in detail about this...I hope in some way it set you free
Posted by: UglyLikeMe | 07/01/2011 at 10:22 PM
Such an amazing description. You were meant to tell stories. The way you describe everything, it makes me feel like I was right there too. I think this is what you're meant to do.
Posted by: Marctamburri | 07/11/2011 at 05:18 PM